Drunk, Grabby or Both: The Customers You Don't Dance For

Do not dance for the man who cannot stand or finish a sentence, the man whose hands were on you before you sat down, the loud one performing for his group, or anyone who has already asked where you live or what you are doing after work. These customers share two features: they are the ones who hurt dancers, and they are the ones who do not pay. Walking past them is not lost money. It is the cheapest safety decision you will make all night, and vets make it without a second thought.

The too-drunk

Dancers Information's guidance is plain: do not dance for very intoxicated customers. They are unsafe, because a drunk man's hands and balance are unpredictable and he will grab for you when he loses either, and they are unprofitable, because they forget what they agreed to pay, dispute the count, fall asleep, or get thrown out before cash-out. A quick read: can he stand without the table, can he hold a conversation, does he know what he just ordered. If any answer is no, he is not a customer tonight. If he is tipsy but functional, you can take him, with the extra distance described in /advice/defensive-lap-dancing and the money collected first.

The temptation is that drunk men are easy to sell to. They are. They are also the ones who claim you stole from them at the door.

The grabby

A hand on your thigh when you sit down to talk is the interview, and he failed it. Men who touch on the floor touch more in the booth, where nobody is watching and he has paid for what he thinks is permission. The rule many vets use is one free correction: move the hand, say "hands", and see what he does. If it comes straight back, you are done, and you say so pleasantly and leave. You do not need to be rude and you do not need to explain. "Not tonight" is a complete sentence.

Inverse reported a new dancer who let customers grope her for months because she believed it was normal and nobody told her otherwise. It is not normal, most dancers at most clubs allow nothing of the kind, and the customers who try it are counting on you not knowing that. Now you know.

The group performer

Groups spend, and groups are also where the worst nights come from. A dancer's diary on this subject identifies the pattern: trouble comes from the one or two loud members of a big group who are performing for the others, not for you. He heckles, he grabs for a laugh, he negotiates the price in front of his friends because backing down would cost him face. You cannot win with him because you are not the audience. The group may still be worth working; the method for finding the payer and isolating the joker is in /advice/working-a-group. The joker himself is not worth a single song.

Is it rude to refuse a dance?

No, and nobody whose opinion matters will think so. Customers refuse dancers all night; you are allowed to refuse customers. The bouncers know who the problem men are, the other dancers know, and a dancer who walks away from a drunk is doing what the house mom would tell her to. The only person who may object is the drunk, and his opinion of you is not part of your income. If you want a softer exit, blame the club: "They won't let me dance for anyone that far gone, sorry," and move on (see /advice/blame-the-cameras).

What if a customer keeps asking where I live?

Some men are sober, polite and well dressed and still belong on this list, because of what they ask. Where do you live. What is your real name. What are you doing after. Do you drive here. Dancers Information flags persistent questions of this kind as warning signs, and Vice's dancers describe the customer who wanted to know their plans after work as the one they were glad to lose. One question, deflected, is curiosity. The same question twice after a deflection is a man collecting information, and the dance he wants is not the product he is after. Politely decline, and mention him to security by description before you forget.

Add to the list anyone who keeps texting from new numbers after you stopped replying, and anyone who turns up on a night you did not announce and says he "had a feeling". That is the start of /advice/stalkers-start-with-gifts.

New dancers are the target

Jada Silk, quoted in Inverse, makes the point every vet repeats: the men who push limits look for the newest dancer, because she does not yet know the limits. Lily T.'s instruction not to do a VIP on your first night is the same wisdom. If you are new, assume the man who seems unusually keen on you specifically, who wants the room right away and who waves off the rules as "not a big deal", has done this before with other new dancers. Take him to a bouncer-visible booth, state the rules, collect first, or take a pass.

Say it in the dressing room

A customer you refused for being drunk or grabby is a customer another dancer is about to meet. Tell her. Dancers Information recommends warning colleagues about verbally abusive, handsy or too-drunk customers as routine, and a club where dancers do that has fewer incidents than one where they do not. The quiet word costs nothing: "Blue shirt by the stage, hands everywhere, skip him." If your crew keeps shared notes, add him; the safe way to do that is in /advice/sharing-bad-customer-info-safely.

Do this tonight

• Before you sit with anyone, check: can he stand, can he talk, where are his hands.
• Give one correction on the floor, and walk the moment it fails.
• Pass on the loud one in the group and find the quiet one who is paying.
• Tell the next dancer, and the bouncer, about anyone you walked away from.