The Guy Who Says He'll Take Care of You: Why You Stand Up

When a customer says "just hang out with me, I'll take care of you," stand up. Not rudely, not with a lecture, but within the song. He is asking for your time on credit, and the house does not take credit for the fee you paid to be here. Sit only when there is money on the table or a clock running, meaning he has bought a dance, booked a room, or agreed to a price for the conversation itself. A dancer who trained new hires for seven years named sitting with this guy as the single most common way new dancers burn a shift, and every vet who has written about it agrees.

What "I'll take care of you" means

It means he would like company and would prefer not to pay for it yet. Sometimes it is sincere: he intends to tip at the end and has a number in mind. More often it is a way of keeping you at the table without committing, and the end never comes, or comes as a twenty folded into your hand after ninety minutes. Either way the arithmetic is the same. A dance is four minutes for forty dollars at many clubs, which is ten dollars a minute. One veteran puts conversation at roughly a dollar a minute to customers who ask what it costs to sit with her. The man offering to take care of you is proposing a rate of zero with a tip to be named later, and a shift has only so many minutes in it.

Why you stand up anyway

Three reasons, and the money is only the first.

Your time is the only thing you cannot make more of. A sales coach for dancers lists the shift's lost opportunities, and sitting unpaid is at the top of the list under a different name. Every song at his table is a song you are not approaching the man two tables over who buys.

It teaches him. A customer who gets an hour free learns that your hour is free. He will expect it next week and tell his friends. The one who pays for the first song learns that you are for sale by the song, and that is the customer you want coming back.

It builds the boundary you need for everything else. The dancer who can stand up from a pleasant, flattering, unpaid conversation can stand up from a handsy one, a drunk one, and a regular who has started to expect more. Dancers who have written about training newer dancers describe this exact skill as the one that conserves energy and builds boundaries at the same time. Practice it on the easy case.

What do I say when he says he'll take care of me?

Say yes to him and no to the terms, in one warm sentence, and attach a price. "I'd love to hang out. Hanging out happens in the back, it's three hundred for the half hour and we get the room to ourselves." If he wants your company he has just been told how to buy it. If he does not, you have your answer in under a minute instead of under an hour.

Softer, for the man who seems sincere: "Take care of me now and I'll stay. One dance, and then we'll see how the night goes." He either produces forty dollars or he produces a reason, and a reason is a no.

For the man who makes it a test ("what, you only want my money?"): "I want your company, and my company costs money. That's the deal for everyone here." Smile, stand, go. Do not argue the point. There is no version of that argument you win, because he is not arguing, he is stalling.

The exceptions, and they are narrow

There are two situations where sitting unpaid is a reasonable bet, and both have a clock.

The warm-up song. One song of conversation before the ask is normal and often necessary, and /advice/rapport-in-two-songs covers how to spend it. One song, then the ask. The man who says "let's just hang out" in answer to the ask has ended the warm-up.

The dead room. At two in the afternoon on a Tuesday with four customers in the building, a pleasant conversation that might turn into a dance is sometimes the best use of the hour. Set the clock yourself: "I'll sit for a song, then I'm back on the floor." The danger is not the slow Tuesday; it is carrying the slow-Tuesday habit into a Friday.

A tip at the end is not an exception. A customer who says he will tip has told you nothing. A customer who tips first has told you everything.

How should I handle a regular who wants to "just talk" for free?

The same way, with more warmth and the same clock. A regular has earned a few free minutes, not a free hour. "You know I love talking to you. Let's do it in the room where I can give you my full attention." If he wants the conversation and will not pay for it, he has become a friend who visits your workplace, and friends can text you on the number you give customers. Several dancers who wrote about long-term regulars describe listening as a paid service and note that the customers who understood that were the ones worth keeping. /advice/playing-therapist-on-the-clock has the longer version, and /advice/the-regular-who-wants-more covers the man who keeps pushing.

Standing up well

The stand-up is a skill, and done well it leaves him more likely to buy later, not less.

• Stand during a natural pause, not mid-sentence. Finish his story, laugh, stand.
• Put a reason on it that is about your work, not about him: "I'm up on stage after this one" or "I promised a lap."
• Leave a door: "Come find me when you want that dance."
• Touch his shoulder or hand if you do that with customers; a warm exit reads as "later," a cold one reads as "never."
• Walk to another customer, not to the dressing room. He should see you being busy.

Some of these men buy from you an hour later, when the free option has walked away and the drink has done its work. Some never do. The point is that you were on the floor for that hour either way, and the floor is where the money is. /advice/sit-or-stand covers managing that time across the whole shift.

Do this tonight

• The first time a customer says "just hang out," answer with the room price and a smile, and watch what he does.
• Give any unpaid conversation one song, then ask for the dance.
• When he says he'll take care of you, say "take care of me now" and name the dance.
• Stand during a pause, with a work reason and a door left open.
• At cash-out, count the songs you sat unpaid; next shift, cut that number in half.